Everything Men know about Women

Men and Women have been keeping company for millions of years now, but the question remains, what do men really know about the fair sex ? This ground-breaking, encyclopedic work by celebrated gender anthropologist Knott Mutch is certain to wipe the slate absolutely clean of undue prejudices. Men can now quote chapter and verse from this argument-ending book and rebut totally out-to-lunch and irresponsible attacks on their knowledge of the feminine mystique.
"What an ego trip, man, I'm the King !" said the author on a nationally syndicated talk show. To uncover the hard facts about what men really know in this department, Mr. Mutch needed to look at the Big Picture : by closely examining centuries of world history he has gleaned essential and potent knowledge from the movers and shakers who really knew ? from ?. Prime ministers and Presidents, Captains of Industry, Monarchs, statesmen, husbands, sons grandfathers, and those unsung experts on women, the police, the military, and oedipal therapists all generously shared whatever they knew, and it's all right here ! While real men have beaten the drums of praise for Knott Mutch's innovative work, there remains - alas ! - a down-at-the-heel cabal of naysayeresses desperate to convict our esteemed author, higgledy-piggledy, of misinformed misogyny.
Gee, whiz ! As Juvenal long ago said in his defense, "Difficile est saturam non scribere." So listen up : this is no book for emotion junkies. No red-herring fantasies about the mysteries of the organism here, no odes to the joy of interpersonal communication and so and so on, no feeble whimsy, no ecstatic ranting and raving about the perfect union of the ying and the yang. After all, this is a book for men.
The calm, cold eye of Reason rules this roost. So don't fret, fellas. Everything is under control. Really. No, we mean it. Let's bond. It won't cost much.